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Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Mothers Day, A Day to Remember Mommy

It's been almost 2 years now since she's been gone. Some days it feels as it was yesterday and others it feels as if it was a lifetime ago.  Two years without my "Mommy", my confidant, my best friend, my heart.  It's not until you lose someone that you really understand all they were to you.  I have lost a husband to cancer, I thought I already learned that lesson.  Yet, as hard as I tried to cherish every moment, every call, and every memory we made it just wasn't enough.  I don't think it is or will ever be enough with anyone we love.

"Mommy" was the life of the party. She was the one that took care of everyone.  She was the one everyone could depend on. She was the one that would give you the shirt off her back and she literally did as someone mentioned at her funeral.  She was the one that would pick up hitchhikers and drive them wherever they needed to go.  I remember her picking up many different people who needed rides when we were younger.  She was the one who helped old people carry groceries to their home or car. I remember a time there was an old man on the side of the road with a flat tire. He had just left the grocery store so mom loaded his groceries in our car and him, took him home to his house and we unloaded his groceries for him and all.  She is the one who would encourage those that were down on their luck by their own doing or not.  There were times she would help people get off of drugs so they could keep their children.  She even converted our garage to an apartment so they had a place to stay.  She is the one who would literally run into a burning house to make sure there wasn't anyone inside.  She literally did this one night and helped carry out a man who was wheelchair bound.  That's my "Mommy". She is the one that would take care of many many people on their deathbed.  She loved making them as comfortable as possible and making the women beautiful.  She loved helping those to keep their dignity all the way to the very end. None of these things were her job they were just in her heart.

Those are some things that share my moms heart.  I never ever wondered why she was so nice or so loving.  Its just how things were.  She was the most absolute selfless person I have ever known.  Funny as I'm typing this that my 14 year old daughter used that word to describe me this Mothers Day as well.  Selfless.

Well, as time has gone on and I have been learning more and reflecting on my moms life it is no wonder she had the heart she did.  Compassion!  Compassion means having others hurt in your heart.  You see, she had the heart she did because she had experienced the hurt others were feeling.  She had lived a life and I believe had always wished someone could or would rescue her in her time of need.

She had told me stories of her childhood that weren't so fond. As I got older the more she shared with me.  Stories of abuse, stories of neglect, stories of trying to be a peacemaker.  The more I recall the stories the more my heart hurts for her.  But the more I understand why she had the heart she did.  You see even though my mom experienced such great heartache her entire life she endured! Those trials she faced helped her to become what she became,The most loyal friend you could ever want, the most loving person you have ever known, the most giving, the most dependable person in the entire world.  She was a light to a lot of people.

Sadly, no one rescued her in her time of need.  She suffered with emotional hurt and it was too much for her to bare. In the end there was only one person she couldn't help.  That person was herself.

I'm thankful that she knew the Lord as her Savior and she is no longer suffering. I'm thankful I will see her again.  I miss her like crazy and sometimes it makes me seriously feel crazy, but you know what?  I don't believe she would have changed a thing if she could have.  I believe she lived a full life.  I believe she was here  o help others, she left her mark on so many lives.  She will live on if they share their story.  I guess that's why I'm sharing mine.  I want her to live on. I want her to live on in my life, in my childrens lives, and in those whose lives we touch with her same generosity and sacrificial love.

Happy Mothers Day in Heaven Mommy!! <3 I will see you again one day and we will dance the streets of gold, hold hands skipping along the way.  You will look gorgeous with beautiful babies breath adorning your golden locks and you will smell marvelous as usual.  I can picture you now.

Thank you for giving me the best gift ever in teaching me how to have compassion for those around me..  To always have an eye to see others needs before my own.  Thank you for teaching me to persevere when times get tough,For teaching me not to be weak.  Thank you for teaching me to cherish my blessings and not take them for granted.  Thank you for teaching me that my life has, can, and will affect so many while I am here and after I am gone.  Thank you for teaching me how to teach these things to my children by being the example you were!

I love you the mostest!

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