Through the Eyes of a Child: WAIT!! My Word for 2020!

Through the Eyes of a Child: WAIT!! My Word for 2020!: I’ve never really been someone who chose a word for the year but last year God continually gave me the word Hope. It was perfec...

WAIT!! My Word for 2020!

I’ve never really been someone who chose a word for the year but last year God continually gave me the word Hope. It was perfect for confirming my exit out of the extreme anxiety I lived in after my moms death and little did I know that it would extend into the future prayers for a loved one. I’m thankful for that word. 

This year again without searching God gave me another word. After many talks with many women in different situations The word Wait kept coming up. So many are in a period of waiting. Waiting on doctors reports, waiting on relationships, waiting for prodigals to return, waiting on loved ones in the military. Maybe you are even in a period of waiting. I am waiting... I asked the Lord specifically what He wanted the word Wait to mean for me and this is what He gave me,

Wholly

Acknowledging 

Intentionally 

Trusting 

This year I will wholly acknowledge what the Lord is doing, removing, allowing in my life and I will intentionally trust Him!🙌🏼 He has always been and will always continue to be faithful. What are you waiting for? How will you wait? ~~~~~ “Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭46:10‬ ‭KJV‬‬

My View

My view today has changed numerous times.  I have seen dirty dishes in the sink.  I have seen a messy classroom of kids homeschooling.  I have seen cars in traffic while heading to piano lessons.  I have seen a wonderful music teacher pouring her heart into my children.  I have seen a handsome man walk through my door (yes ladies, my husband). :) I have seen the dark while I lie with my eyes closed to catch a moments worth of rest before dinner.  In all of the things I have seen today I have seen God working in my life.  Its been good!

Of course I have seen many more things than I have listed here but you get my point.  Sometimes our day is so busy that we see many things but fail to really "see" them.  How often have we had one of  our children ask us to look at a piece of their art just to take a quick glance, offer a short praise, and be on our way. My hands up here sadly.  How often have we walked right by a hurting soul only because we were so focused on getting to our next destination?  Yep, been there too!

We have been so inundated with the busyness of this life that there are days and times that we just fail to acknowledge our view.  My husband has been asking me a question lately, "What is your motivation?"  It really has me considering why I do all that I do.  If I truly could understand that thought I believe I would be able to take in each view around me for what it truly is worth instead of rushing and doing so much that at the end of that day doesn't truly matter.

Maybe this shouldn't be titles My View but rather What is Your Motivation?  Think about your views throughout your day and consider what your motivation is.  I bet there will be some changes you choose to make!

Mothers Day, A Day to Remember Mommy

It's been almost 2 years now since she's been gone. Some days it feels as it was yesterday and others it feels as if it was a lifetime ago.  Two years without my "Mommy", my confidant, my best friend, my heart.  It's not until you lose someone that you really understand all they were to you.  I have lost a husband to cancer, I thought I already learned that lesson.  Yet, as hard as I tried to cherish every moment, every call, and every memory we made it just wasn't enough.  I don't think it is or will ever be enough with anyone we love.

"Mommy" was the life of the party. She was the one that took care of everyone.  She was the one everyone could depend on. She was the one that would give you the shirt off her back and she literally did as someone mentioned at her funeral.  She was the one that would pick up hitchhikers and drive them wherever they needed to go.  I remember her picking up many different people who needed rides when we were younger.  She was the one who helped old people carry groceries to their home or car. I remember a time there was an old man on the side of the road with a flat tire. He had just left the grocery store so mom loaded his groceries in our car and him, took him home to his house and we unloaded his groceries for him and all.  She is the one who would encourage those that were down on their luck by their own doing or not.  There were times she would help people get off of drugs so they could keep their children.  She even converted our garage to an apartment so they had a place to stay.  She is the one who would literally run into a burning house to make sure there wasn't anyone inside.  She literally did this one night and helped carry out a man who was wheelchair bound.  That's my "Mommy". She is the one that would take care of many many people on their deathbed.  She loved making them as comfortable as possible and making the women beautiful.  She loved helping those to keep their dignity all the way to the very end. None of these things were her job they were just in her heart.

Those are some things that share my moms heart.  I never ever wondered why she was so nice or so loving.  Its just how things were.  She was the most absolute selfless person I have ever known.  Funny as I'm typing this that my 14 year old daughter used that word to describe me this Mothers Day as well.  Selfless.

Well, as time has gone on and I have been learning more and reflecting on my moms life it is no wonder she had the heart she did.  Compassion!  Compassion means having others hurt in your heart.  You see, she had the heart she did because she had experienced the hurt others were feeling.  She had lived a life and I believe had always wished someone could or would rescue her in her time of need.

She had told me stories of her childhood that weren't so fond. As I got older the more she shared with me.  Stories of abuse, stories of neglect, stories of trying to be a peacemaker.  The more I recall the stories the more my heart hurts for her.  But the more I understand why she had the heart she did.  You see even though my mom experienced such great heartache her entire life she endured! Those trials she faced helped her to become what she became,The most loyal friend you could ever want, the most loving person you have ever known, the most giving, the most dependable person in the entire world.  She was a light to a lot of people.

Sadly, no one rescued her in her time of need.  She suffered with emotional hurt and it was too much for her to bare. In the end there was only one person she couldn't help.  That person was herself.

I'm thankful that she knew the Lord as her Savior and she is no longer suffering. I'm thankful I will see her again.  I miss her like crazy and sometimes it makes me seriously feel crazy, but you know what?  I don't believe she would have changed a thing if she could have.  I believe she lived a full life.  I believe she was here  o help others, she left her mark on so many lives.  She will live on if they share their story.  I guess that's why I'm sharing mine.  I want her to live on. I want her to live on in my life, in my childrens lives, and in those whose lives we touch with her same generosity and sacrificial love.

Happy Mothers Day in Heaven Mommy!! <3 I will see you again one day and we will dance the streets of gold, hold hands skipping along the way.  You will look gorgeous with beautiful babies breath adorning your golden locks and you will smell marvelous as usual.  I can picture you now.

Thank you for giving me the best gift ever in teaching me how to have compassion for those around me..  To always have an eye to see others needs before my own.  Thank you for teaching me to persevere when times get tough,For teaching me not to be weak.  Thank you for teaching me to cherish my blessings and not take them for granted.  Thank you for teaching me that my life has, can, and will affect so many while I am here and after I am gone.  Thank you for teaching me how to teach these things to my children by being the example you were!

I love you the mostest!

Christmas Memories

Christmas Memories

As we hustle and bustle through the holiday season I am flooded by many memories.  Memories of Christmas as a child myself.  Memories of times that I thought were sad or horrible at the time but have since become some of the sweetest memories ever.

Its funny when discussing gifts with my husband regarding our children we realize that they really don't remember much of what they received the previous year.  It is funny yet at the same time it isn't.  It isn't that they aren't grateful for what they received or that they didn't really care for it. Its that they just have had such a blessed life in always having everything they needed.  I did say needed not wanted.  We are very careful not to "spoil" our children.

They haven't by Gods grace really needed to feel what its like to do without. Not without necessities  anyway. That could be a blessing and a curse.  A blessing because your needs are always met and a curse because you don't necessarily understand and fully appreciate your blessings.

Growing up with a single mom we pretty much always had our needs met.  Mom was a hard worker who desired to provide us with the things she lacked growing up.  But being a single mom of 3 kids wasn't always easy.  Rent was due, bills needed to be paid, school supplies to be bought, clothing, and all the other extras that come along with having a family.  Looking back I'd say she did pretty awesome for what she had to work with.

Yet, there are times I can remember as clear as yesterday. And you know what's funny?  What's funny is that some of the times I can remember the best are the hardest times of our life!  They are the times of struggles, the times of hurt, the times of uneasiness in our life.  Of course I can remember good times too but I am so very thankful that I can remember those hard times.  They are the times that have helped me know just how truly blessed I am today!

I will share here the memories of some Christmas's that weren't quite exactly every child's dream but have become some of my most treasured memories! Times that as a child I just really didn't realize how hard things were. Times that looking back I'm sure my mom felt as though she wasn't doing a good enough job, maybe even thought she was failing.  Funny how those are the times I remember and realize just how strong she was. She brought us through them, along with Gods help.

There was a Christmas that we didn't have enough money for a Christmas tree.  That really didn't bother us, we decorated her indoor Ficus tree with ornaments.  I remember a time we had bologna sandwiches for Christmas dinner.  We loved bologna sandwiches so it really didn't matter.  Another Christmas we had a Cornish hen.  Mom always knew how to cook and make something out of nothing so we loved it of course.  

There is one Christmas in particular that stands out though.  One that I am even thankful to have pictures of.  We had no money, mom had been laid off from work and had been struggling but had a brilliant idea!  She always had a 5 gallon jug she would throw change into and decided that we would dump out the change and roll the coins to cash in.  I remember it vividly because my hair was a mess, we were almost about to head to bed when she got this crazy idea.  If you could see the picture you would know exactly what I'm talking about! 

So my mom, a friend of hers, myself, and my two brothers all sat on the floor rolling up quarters, dimes, nickels, and pennies.  I don't remember the conversation but I know it was fun.  I don't remember cashing it in but I do remember that after we did, we headed to the mall and we all split up to buy each other gifts for Christmas.  

Do you know what's funny?  I cant tell you what I got that year.  I cant even tell you what I bought who.  But I can tell you that every time I remember that Christmas tears come to my eyes.  Not because of sadness.  Not because of the lack of funds or gifts.  No, tears come to my eyes because of the love my mom had, the desire to see her babies happy.  The desire to do whatever it took to give us a "normal" Christmas.  

As a mom I can only imagine what feelings she may have been feeling.  Little did she know, she was giving me some of the best memories ever during what was probably the hardest times of her life.  She was helping me grow into the woman and mom I am today.  I am thankful for those and all of the other memories God has given me of her.  They are all I have left today.

This Christmas when you are searching for that "Perfect" gift don't let it pass you by.  Take time and notice those around you and the memories you are creating.  Those memories might just be the "Perfect" gift you've been looking for all along!

Memories......

Sometimes as we go through our busy everyday lives the memories creep in.  They come back through the smell of laundry, perfume, or lotion.  Other times they come back through sounds such as the simple yet most important words, "I love you!"  Memories also come back through moments that you are trying to create for your own children.  

As trying as it may be it can be very important to take the time to sit on that bench and recall those memories whether good or bad. We all have people, places, and situations that have joined together to create those memories and help mold us into the people we are today.  It is important for us to reflect upon them and remember just where we came from.

We often have the tendency to want to forget the not so fond memories and only meditate on the good but that would be doing a disservice to who we really are.  We are all as unique as the moments that have shaped us!  Let us work through these memories and allow them to help us fulfill our true potential!

This blog has been named "Through the Eyes of a Child" for it is through those eyes that our first memories were created.  I pray you may find love and help through this blog, my memories, my story.